


It Was Agony

by BluePlanetTrash



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, CIP, CIP disorder, Captured Lance, Gen, Lance can't feel pain, Langst, Torture, Tortured Lance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-08
Updated: 2018-04-07
Packaged: 2019-04-20 00:18:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,080
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14248956
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BluePlanetTrash/pseuds/BluePlanetTrash
Summary: Prompt: Au where Lance has CIP disorder (congenital Insensitivity to pain; a disorder where people can't feel pain at all) and the team doesn't find out until after Lance is badly hurt. Idk if it has been done already. I love ur writing and hope you accomplish everything you want to do this month and year





	1. Chapter 1

Lance had always tried to be careful with his body and what he did with it. Ever since he was five years old and he was taken to the hospital after falling down the stairs in his house and breaking his arm. He was confused why his mother was crying and holding him carefully, promising him that everything was going to be okay. But he wasn’t afraid or anything in fact, when he looked at his arm he let out a giggle thinking it looked a bit like a staircase.

They later discovered that he had CIP disorder. A disorder where people produce a surplus of endorphins in the brain that cause them not to perceive any pain. Because of this, he had never been able to feel pain, and he couldn’t tell his parents whether anything else was wrong with him before breaking his arm. It was a miracle that the doctors didn’t find anything else that had happened to him throughout the years.

After that fateful visit, his family looked after him much closer and demanded that he tell them if he thought that he might have hurt himself in any way even though he couldn’t feel it. If he ever saw blood he was to tell them immediately to make sure he didn’t need to go to the hospital for treatment and the list went on and on. It was a bit annoying to keep the rules over the years but ultimately he didn’t want to die young like the unfortunate stories of others like him that he had read about. So he always tried to be extremely cautious.

That was until he joined the Garrison. At first, his family adamantly refused to let him attend but as the days passed of him begging his mother to please let him go, she was slowly coming around to the idea.

“Please Mamá, I don’t want to be cooped up here forever, at least there I’d be helping the world,” he pleaded with tears in his eyes. She sighed and pulled him forward into a hug. Her throat was tightening as she held him to her chest. All these years, she had never seen her baby cry. Just because he couldn’t feel physical pain, didn’t mean that he couldn’t feel emotional pain.

“I’ll think about it,” she promised.

And she did, the next month Lance was packing his bags, ready to go out into the real world. He turned when he heard his bedroom door creak open. His mother walked in followed by a tall blonde man wearing the Galaxy Garrison uniform.

“Lance, this is Professor Montgomery,” she said gesturing to the man who nodded his head at Lance. “If you think you hurt yourself, you go directly to him, do you understand?”

“Yes Mamá,” he promised. She nodded content before jumping forward and dragging him into a hug.

“Be good,” she whispered as tears rolled down her cheeks. Lance’s throat closed up and he nodded against her shoulder. After they pulled away, Lance picked up his bags and followed Montgomery out of the house and to the Garrison vehicle. As he buckled up he looked out his window and saw his entire family standing outside with teary eyes and waving goodbye to him. Shakily, he brought his hand up and waved until they were out of sight.

“Well, Lance McClain,” he looked over at Montgomery as he started talking. He took his eyes off the road for a moment to send a smile to the boy.

“Welcome to the Galaxy Garrison,”

* * *

Lance was especially careful after they became paladins of Voltron. Sure, maybe not feeling pain would be a valuable asset of being a soldier in space but it didn’t exactly help if he was punched in the ribs or something and didn’t notice that they punctured a lung until he couldn’t breathe. Which didn’t happen but was a very likely possibility in his situation.

There were very few times that Lance was thankful for his disorder but when he was caught in an explosion, he was very thankful. Especially because he saved Coran the pain of it. The very few moments that he had before he blacked out he could smell the flesh on his back burning and couldn’t even imagine what kind of pain he would be feeling, you know if he actually knew what pain felt like.

Finding out how close to death Lance actually was when he got out of the pod was another eye opener to him. He had pushed Coran out of the way because he knew that he wouldn’t feel anything and he didn’t want Coran to get hurt but he didn’t think that it would do as much damage as it had.

He looked in the mirror later that night and found a big star-shaped scar on his upper back. It was just another scar that he had collected over the years but this time, it meant so much more.

* * *

“Alright paladins, we have quite a simple mission today actually,” Allura told them after they landed on a dark desolate planet. They stood at attention in front of her, eager to get the mission done so they could come back and relax for the rest of the day.

“The Blade discovered this abandoned Galra base and sent a representative to plant some crucial information for us, they told us that it was so sensitive that they didn’t want to risk it being intercepted by the Galra,” Shiro added, pulling up the schematics of the building. He started tracing out areas in their respective colours and routes that they would be taking to get there.

“Because of this they refused to tell us where exactly the information was being stored and we have to split up to find it,” they nodded in understanding and headed to the lift.

“It should be a quick in and out, when we find the information head out and back to the Castle,” Shiro said as they started into the base. One by one they headed down separate hallways until Lance was walking down the main hallway by himself. He pulled up his map and carefully followed his directed path, careful to keep his eyes open for any sign of the Blade’s information drive.

As he hit the end of the hallway he was faced with a single door which he pushed open hesitantly and picked inside. He switched his map to his light and panned around the room.

“AIEEEE!” He screeched loudly as his light landed on a single sentry that was leaning limply against the wall.

“Lance? What happened? What’s wrong?” Shiro asked with concern as Lance let out loud huffs and leaned on his knees.

“Sorry, I just got startled, there’s a dead sentry in here,” he explained breathlessly. Immediately laughs started coming from everyone else and he blushed lightly.

“Haha, very funny, Lance got scared by a machine, laugh it up you guys,” he pouted as he walked further into the room. It looked like he was in the armoury or something but there wasn’t much to go off of except for a dust-covered helmet and the sentry still sitting in the corner.

He walked through a second door in the back and saw that there was actually hundred of soldier uniforms lined up along the walls. They were all layered with dust which admittedly was pretty creepy, seeing as they were in pristine condition. He picked up one of the helmets and brought it up closer to examine it and huffed out a small laugh.

“Guys I got it!” Hunk cheered suddenly making Lance jump in surprise and drop the helmet he had in his hands.

“Heading out now,” he started hearing in his coms as each paladin left their areas.

“Lance, you’re the furthest away, do you want one of us to wait?” Shiro asked.

“Nah, don’t worry about me, it’s a straightaway for me,” he argued, carefully closing the door behind him even though he knew nobody would notice. It was courtesy really.

He was almost out of the door when something hit him from behind and he stumbled slightly forward. He whipped around his bayard forming and pointing and the now activated sentry. It was twitching slightly and barely standing on creaking legs. A single shot took it down and he started stomping out again.

“What was that?” Keith asked.

“The dead sentry wasn’t exactly dead, but it just hit me from behind, no big deal,” he explained shortly.

“Are you okay?” Pidge asked with concern.

“Yeah, it didn’t even have any weapons,” he assured them. He quickened his pace slightly when the main entrance came into view. Thankfully, because the planet was vacant of any life, they were able to land the Castle really close to the base and he was on the lift within minutes.

When he got back to the bridge, he saw that Hunk, Pidge, Shiro, Coran, and Allura were all huddled around the new information and rapidly talking about whatever information they had been given. While Keith was relaxing in his chair waiting for the actual debrief to happen.

With a smile, he slid off his helmet and sat in his chair.

Or, tried to.

When he attempted to lean back he was met with a weird pressure not letting him rest on the back of his chair. His forehead furrowed in confusion and he reached behind him searching until his fingers hit something. He lightly touched at it trying to figure out what it was until it met his back. Finally, he lightly wrapped his fingers around it and his eyes shot wide.

 _“Oh shit,”_ he hissed quietly to himself.

It was definitely a knife.

“ _Oh shit,”_ he hissed again as he carefully stood up.

“Um, guys?” He called out uncertainly.

“Yes?” Shiro asked as they turned to look at him.

“Okay, first of all, promise that you won’t freak out,” he said nervously wringing his hands together.

“Um, alright?”

“Okay, so, the sentry might have had a weapon after all and I might have been stabbed?”

“What!? Where? Are you okay?” Hunk ran forward with his arms outstretched.

“I said don’t freak out!” Lance whined before he could reach him.

“Hunk’s right though, we have to get you medical attention,” Shiro said with concern as he walked up with Hunk. “Are you bleeding?”

“I don’t really know, I think the knife is stemming most of it,” he mused trying to look over his shoulder at the handle.

“YOU STILL HAVE THE KNIFE IN YOU!?” They shouted at him before he was being rushed towards the med bay.

They sat him on one of the benches while Coran prepped the healing pod and Allura went to retrieve a healing suit. They gently started popping off his armour, careful to avoid the knife.

Hunk precisely started cutting his bodysuit down the back and carefully ripped it until the knife was resting on a small black circle of fabric. Thankfully, it looked like Lance was right and the knife was stemming most of the bleeding.

“Okay, Lance I need you to talk to us, you’re probably going into shock,” Shiro said clearly, keeping Lance’s eyes on his. “Are you in any pain?”

“Oh no, I don’t feel this at all,” he answered distracted, swinging his feet lightly. Shiro’s features paled and went slack.

“WE GOT TO HURRY WITH THAT POD!” He yelled, Pidge jumped up and rushed to Coran’s side to help as Shiro looked back at Lance. He lightly cupped Lance’s cheeks and made him look him in the eye.

“It’s going to be okay Lance, you might have hit something in your spine but we’re going to fix it,” he promised. Lance blinked in confusion before he remembered this exact scenario happening when he broke his arm years earlier.

“Oh shit! I’m sorry Shiro, that’s not what I meant,” he said frantically, reaching up to grab his shoulders.

“What?”

“I have CIP disorder, I’ve never felt pain, that’s why I didn’t notice,” he explained. Shiro’s eyes widened again, this time in shock.

“Pod is ready,” Coran called over to them. Allura stood at the opening of the pod with the healing suit unzipped and ready for him to slip into. Lance slid off the bench and held on to Hunk and Shiro as they offered their hands to him.

He carefully stepped into the legs of the healing suit and let them pull it up and zip it for him until they reached his mid back.

“Okay, I’m going to pull this out now,”  Shiro said holding the handle of the knife. Lance nodded and stared ahead. Shiro took a deep breath and pulled, waiting for the scream that normally came from the immense pain that a stabbing would cause.

But Lance was silent.

Even as blood poured down his back, he didn’t make a single peep.

Quickly, they zipped the rest of the suit up and started the healing cycle.

They definitely needed to talk after this.


	2. Chapter 2

In their so far short time as paladins, it wasn’t exactly uncommon for one of their teammates to be detained by the Galra. Usually, it was for a short time like when Sendak took over the ship and Shiro and Lance were held helplessly as the team fought for them, or on the Balmera when they were all led into the same trap. Being captured by the Galra was a completely different matter. One that only two of them had experienced before; Shiro and Allura. Well, now it was Lance’s turn.

He dangled off chains in the cell, barely brushing the ground with his toes and stripped down to his waist. He huffed bored and hoped that the team would be coming soon. Keith was quick enough to get a tracker on the underside of the ship before they got away.

He gazed at the many weapons that lined the walls, more than aware that he was strung up in some sort of torture chamber, or interrogation room in the Galra’s eyes.

“Hello paladin,” a druid drawled as they drifted into the room. He felt a slight chill run down his spine at the expressionless bone mask they wore but he quickly straightened.

“What’s up?” He shot back confidently. The druid ignored him and instead circled him calculatingly.

“You have information that we require,” they started. Lance let out a laugh, shaking his head at the absurdity of the statement.

“You can try,” he chuckled shooting them a grin. They went silent before the druid nodded to themselves and went to the walls, picking up some sort of tool.

“I will give you this one chance to talk,” they stated menacingly, pushing their masked face close to Lance’s.

“I’m good,” Lance decided with a small shrug. They clearly were expecting the answer and only drew back slightly before whipping their hand out and slicing him across the chest with whatever tool they had in their hand. Lance looked down at the cut, that was sluggishly bleeding down his chest and then back up at the druid with bored eyes.

“Is that it?” He taunted with a smirk. He knew it probably wasn’t a good idea to mock them but what can he say, it’s in his nature.

Instead of the cold rage he expected from the druid, they straightened and the eyes of the mask focused on his face again.

“You’re not like normal beings,” they hummed before striding out of the room without another word.

“Fucking weird,” he mused to himself as he idly started scuffing at the floor again.

* * *

By the time the door opened again, the blood on his chest had long since dried and left him with tight, itchy sensation instead. He looked up when the door opened and instead of another druid, Haggar walked in.

“Witch,” he spat venomously, having heard too much about her from Allura, Keith, and Shiro. She gave him a sharp smirk in response and like the druid before circled around him with glowing eyes.

“I heard that you are special Blue Paladin,” she said.

“No more special than the rest of them,” he countered with a growl. She stopped in front of him, the smirk never leaving her face.

“No matter, this should get you talking whether you’re different or not,”

“What are you talking ab-,”

Without warning her hand shot out and gripped onto his forehead. There was barely a moment for confusion before his back arched and a guttural scream tore itself out of his throat. It took a few moments for the feeling to fade away and he was able to gasp in desperate breaths. His eyes were wide and unseeing as he head flopped onto his chest.

“Have fun paladin,” Haggar hissed with a smile before she backed out of the room, leaving Lance to himself.

He blinked rapidly, eyes darting around the room looking for any sign of the druids from before but he couldn’t see anyone. He watched the door warily but no one ever came in.

They didn’t need to.

* * *

“ _Is this what pain is?_ ” He screamed to himself in his mind. His back was arching as spasms shot through his body. Screams tore out of his mouth and tears continually trekked down his face.

_make it stop make it stop make it stop make it stop make it stop_

He couldn’t describe what he was feeling. He couldn’t make sense of it. He didn’t know what was happening to his body. His feet were scrabbling uselessly underneath him as he tried to keep his balance. A sob ripped out of his throat between his screams. He just wanted to curl up on the floor but he couldn’t even do that. He was completely helpless.

He fell limp against the chains as the wave faded away. It didn’t stop the gut-wrenching sobs though. His head felt so light and his vision was spinning. Nausea started creeping up the back of his throat.

He didn’t know what burning felt like, only his brother explained it as being so hot that it’s painful.

He didn’t know what pounding was, only his sister explained it as a painful pressure in her head.

He didn’t know what aching was, only his mamá explained it as being painfully sore all over but he didn’t know what sore was either.

He wanted to describe what he was feeling as all of those things but he didn’t know. He didn’t know what he was feeling and it was scaring him. He wanted to go home, back to the Castle ship.

Another jolt of pain ran through his stomach and he lurched forward with a miserable retch, splattering vomit down his chest and puddling on the ground beneath him. He weakly coughed and swallowed against the sharp hotness at the back of his tongue.

So hot that it was painful.

So it was burning?

He tried to stay still, the buzzing in his head having only increased since losing the contents of his stomach. He felt the now familiar feeling of impending danger creeping back into his mind moments before his muscles violently tensed again.

His mouth fell open, his jaw locking up as he let out another vicious scream.

He knew now; his stomach was cramping, his head was pounding, his shoulders were aching, his nerves were stinging. Every definition and description his family had given to him over the years came back to him. He could point out every single one on his slowly breaking body.

It was agony.

* * *

It didn’t take long for them to track down Zarkon’s ship. It didn’t take them much longer to ram Yellow’s head in the side of the hull as Coran covered them from the outside with the Castle’s defences.

They had a plan to split up and search different areas of the ship as quickly as they could but as soon as they were outside Yellow’s mouth, they could hear screaming.

There was no hesitation to sprint after the echo.

When they ripped open the door they saw him hanging limply from the chains, gasps and wheezes coming from his mouth. His skin was practically grey and sweat was pouring down his face. The acidic smell of vomit was sharp in the air as they rushed forward, Shiro carefully holding him up as Keith cut the chains. They winced at the wail that Lance let out as his arms swung back to his sides.

“It’s okay Lance we got you,” Shiro soothed hefting him up into his arms, ignoring the sick and dried blood on Lance’s chest. He leaned down as Lance started chanting quietly to himself.

“I’m dying I’m dying I’m dying I’m dying I’m dying I’m dying I’m dying,” over and over again as they ran through the hallways back to Black. Hunk ran in front of them, spraying wave after wave of gunfire to the sentries that continually stood in their path.

“We’re getting you out of here Lance,” Shiro promised as Lance finally slumped into his arms unconscious.

* * *

It was confusing and comforting to wake up in the med bay later. He was clean and warm and the wound on his chest was covered by a thin layer of gauze. A small breath of air puffed out between his lips as he struggled to wake up.

“Lance?” A gentle voice asked as his eyes finally blinked open. Hunk looked down at him with clear concern on his face.

“Hunk,” his voice came out wobbling and reached up to him with trembling arms. Thankfully, Hunk took the hint and leaned down to pick Lance up in his arms and hold him against his chest.

“I was so scared,” he wailed into the fabric of Hunk’s shirt.

“I know buddy, I’m so sorry we didn’t get there sooner,” he lamented rubbing his hand up and down Lance’s back soothingly. At the mention of the others, he looked around the room but didn’t see anyone else.

“They’re just getting some water packs and food goo,” he said with a small smile. Lance nodded in understanding and sat back against Hunk before pulling the covers up and over his legs.

Only a few minutes passed before they came back in, arms full of supplies. It was quickly dropped when they saw Lance conscious in Hunk’s arms.

“Lance!” They yelled with wide smiles. “Are you okay?”

“I think so…” he trailed off, looking down at the gauze on his chest. He pressed down where he knew the wound was but only felt pressure pressing down on it. He let out an involuntary sigh of relief at the realization “I’m back to normal,”

“What about mentally?” Shiro asked with hard eyes. Lance’s mouth clicked shut and he looked down at his legs as his throat closed up again. Hunk squeezed him slightly and he let out a breath.

“I was really scared, I had no idea what I was feeling but now I know that it was pain. Before, I only had an idea of what it all felt like but it doesn’t begin to describe what it actually felt like,” he said with a sad smile.

“I think the worst part is…that I don’t know if I’m overreacting or not,” he admitted quietly clutching the blanket tightly between his fingers. He heard them get closer until they were leaning or sitting on the bed. He looked up and saw that their expressions had fallen and they were looking at him with something close to devastation.

“Lance, just because you’ve never felt pain before doesn’t make any level of pain more acceptable than another,” Shiro tried, reaching out to take one of his hands.

“Whether or not someone else could have taken the pain better than you, it was still the most amount of pain you’ve ever been in,” Pidge argued.

“You were in so much pain that you thought you were dying, it doesn’t matter if you think you were overreacting, you shouldn’t be feeling like that,” Keith broke in.

“You just got back from a traumatizing experience, you can’t beat yourself up like this,” Hunk pleaded. Lance stayed silent but nodded his head in agreement.

“You know that we’re here to talk to if you need us,” Shiro reminded him as his eyes started closing again in exhaustion. Again Lance nodded and let himself fall into the blackness surrounded and protected by his family.

**Author's Note:**

> Come visit my tumblr at blueplanettrash!


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